I haven't written in a while. It seems like the only times I want to write are either when something good or something bad happens. I've had a mix of both lately. Mostly good, but then after having a great day, some people had to go and make me upset.
I have been feeling really good since Tuesday. The friend that I have written about on here before finally decided he was gonna talk to me again. I woke up Tuesday with no power because my roommate didn't pay our power bill on time. That was upsetting considering our other roommate and I pay him $300 a month, so I knew he had the money. I had to study for my afternoon final with no power, and shower with no hot water....which really sucked. Then my phone alerted me that he (friend i hadn't spoken to me in over two months) had posted a link on my Facebook wall. A link that I couldn't go to because I had no power. That drove me crazy. I had to wait for hours before my power was finally turned back on. The link was to a music video for a song that I had posted on my Twitter the night before; one that said it reminded my of my best friend. My only guess is that he saw it and reached out.
Long story short, he starting texting me that night and has talked to me at least a little every day since. He initiates any conversations we may have, because I won't let myself text him first. We talk almost like nothing happened, and neither of us has brought up why he stopped talking to me. I guess I'm just afraid that if I ask about it, then it'll happen again. I'm doing my best to not allow myself to read into it and assume that things will go back to normal, because with my luck, I'll depend on him again and I can't deal with losing him a second time. I need to guard myself, and learn to not be so trusting and open with people, him in particular. He has no idea just how much he affects me.
The exam I had the day my power when out was easy. I know I did well. In fact, I had done so well on the other two tests and the project that I only need like a 78% or something close to it to ensure that I maintained and A in the class, and I'm positive I got at least a 95%. Another class was a little difficult. I had an 88% in the class, but to make an A in the course I would have had to get a 98 on the final and she made it hard as hell. I probably got a B on it. My last class is statistics, and you really don't want to know what I got on that. It isn't a failing grade, thank God, but that's all I'm saying.
New Moon came out this week, which I was so excited and pumped for. I loved it, naturally. I have spent the last two evening/early mornings with my aunt and cousin. We saw New Moon last night and 2012 tonight. It was my second time seeing both of them. They don't like going on opening night, and I don't like waiting. I had promised to see the movies with them but couldn't wait, so I just went twice. I wanted to remember which songs from the soundtrack (NM) went with the scenes, and since it was my second time seeing it, I brought a notebook with me and wrote it down so I wouldn't forget. I posted the notes online on IMDb for those that wondered which song went with certain scenes. To me, it didn't just benefit myself, it benefited those who had questions about the songs as well.
After getting back from the movie tonight and having a really good day, everyone ganged up on me it seemed. My cousin, her boyfriend, by best friend and my aunt all makes jokes at my expense. They went on and on about it. It was fine at first because I was laughing too, but it wasn't so funny after they did it continuously. Why was it so funny/weird to them that I wanted to remember where the songs were in the movie? I was getting upset, and I'm sure one of them had to have noticed. Then, all of a sudden, it switched from "haha, you're retarded for taking notes during a movie" to "I worry about you sometimes." Because I wrote down some song titles? Then that turned into "You're married to your brother." I don't even want to get into that. "You do this and that and this and that for him...and blah, blah, blah." It was a never-ending 'lets bash on Ashley' moment. My cousin even made a comment about how I got a little excited that *he texted me that was mean. I don't remember what exactly she said, but she was wrong, I just didn't want to argue with her. Am I not allowed to be myself anymore? That's when I finished my drink and put my shoes on. My aunt knew I was gonna leave so she asked why and when I told them I didn't want to listen to all of that, they started explaining why I needed to. I told them I just didn't want to talk about anything because I had been in such a good mood all day. They didn't stop, so I walked out and cried the whole drive home.
My brother asked for help with showing him how to use his check card to purchase stuff on his playstatoin after I got home. I was helping him and I told him that we were gonna have Thanksgiving at my cousins this year. My cousin and brother do not get along, and he won't go to her house, and she doesn't want him there. BUT, because it is Thanksgiving and he is family, she told me to bring him. When I told him, he said "no. I told her I wouldn't ever come back, so I'm not going to." When I pleaded saying that it was Thanksgiving and that she is family, he said no she isn't. That just made me upset all over again. Thanksgiving and Christmas are the only two days of the year where my whole family gets together. I asked him if he could just do this for me because it always means so much to me that we are all together and he still said no. I started crying. Again.
It's just so hard to be the person in this family that is connected to everyone. I am always the one caught in the middle. It is even more upsetting now since my grandpa passed away this past summer. It has always been so important to me that we got together, and now everything is falling apart. People hate each other, and no matter what I do I can't please everyone.
I just want to be happy, and no one can fucking suck it up for one day, or even a couple hours. That's all I ask for.
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